Blog: Max Dawson
February 13, 2017
Last Thursday I wrote about five things not to say in your marriage. The thoughts were based on , “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Words have power to hurt or to help. They can murder or revive. You decide what your words will be and those words will powerfully impact your marriage.
Last week we saw the bad stuff. What not to say. Now, let’s see the good stuff.
1. “I will love you for life.” That phrase echoes unconditional love and commitment. Maybe it is difficult to get those exact words out of your mouth, but it can’t hurt to try. Love is a decision. Not a mere feeling. It requires sacrifice. You can do it. And, it will make the other person feel good about the relationship. How is that for a good idea whose time has come!
2. “I will stay with you no matter what life brings.” That is especially important in time of conflict. Sometimes, in crisis moments, we say things like, “I would be better off without you.” or “You would be better off without me.” Those kinds of words are exit language. They can only hurt. Focus on commitment. It will be good for you and your spouse.
3. “You are a blessing to me.” That doesn’t mean my spouse is always perfect. But, the more I say this to her, the more I will see her as that. In my own life, my spouse is a comfort to me. She provides a haven of rest from all the issues of life. If I treat her as a gift of blessing from God, she is more likely to be exactly that!
4. “What can I do…?” There might be many finishes to this question. It can be finished with “help you,” “comfort you,” or “please you.” Adapt your words to the situation. It says that your spouse doesn’t have to face–whatever it is–alone. We are in this together. Commitment to the future together.
5. “I am sorry. Please forgive me.” And mean it. Be really sorry, recognizing the nature and extent of the hurt you have caused. Genuinely ask for forgiveness. Even beg for it, in some cases. Admit your faults. You are not God. You have faults. Sincere apology and forgiveness mean we can move forward in life. It means we don’t have to bring the same issues up again and again. When you have done wrong, admit it. Don’t try to defend yourself.
THE FINAL WORD
Is communication in marriage really a big mystery? Doesn’t it just make sense that if you say kind and sensitive things to your spouse that it will probably make things better? And doesn’t it also make sense that if you say foolish and insensitive things, that it will probably make things worse?
It is time to take responsibility. God made us with the ability to choose. Let’s choose the good over the bad–regardless of what our spouses may choose.
It is just smart, intelligent and spiritual to learn to say these good things.
Blessings to you, my intelligent friends,
–Max